Four Bullets is officially published!!

Posted: July 15, 2016 in Writing
Tags: , , , , , ,

That’s right, party people.

You old pal Kyle has officially had his first novel published TODAY!

spiderman neat

I am so proud of me.

 

I never made plans for my future. Not once. Not ever. Growing up, I always figured something would happen and I’d be set. That’s not to say I didn’t have dreams or goals for that matter. At various points in my 35 years in this universe, I wanted to be a doctor, an astronaut, Superman, Spider-Man, Swamp Thing (I’m still holding out for that gig!), a soldier, a FBI agent, director, actor, comedian, plumber (like Dad!), chef, business owner (pizza place/bar), video game designer, nurse (like Mom!), surgical technician, rock star (like my friend Meghann, the best rock star ever!!), basketball player, baseball player, professional wrestler (Ring Name: Kile “The Castrator” Rader; ain’t nobody want to get in the ring with The Castrator!), boxer (same nickname), and many more that I can’t recall.

One of the ones that I can recall is writer. Or author. Or Ms. Jackson, IF you’re nasty. I’ve hovered around the perimeter of writing for the majority of my life. My first official rejection came from the Nintendo Corporation of America, believe it or not. I wrote up a video game and sent it to them, so sure they’d make it and I’d be rich and famous. The letter was very kind; they clearly knew they were dealing with a child, but it crushed me, really crushed me. I was very sad about it for a while and, outside of school, didn’t really write much for as while.

I dabbled. I remember in the 4th grade writing stories and sharing them with the class. They were stories that would land me in therapy if I shared them in a school today. This was the late 80s, early 90s, so no one gave a shit. The stories were basically knock-offs of horror movies, like Jaws (a mutated sea snake instead of the shark) and sequels to Friday the 13th (they may have been better than some of them to be honest). I eventually gave up on that as well and didn’t do much at all through high school, maybe trying—and stopping—writing superhero stories.

College came along. Minoring in Creative Writing kind of forced my hand and I wrote quite a bit, including a couple of screenplays (they are absolute codshit when I read them now) and even poetry (wrote a poem about hot dogs and another about farting.). During summer breaks, I wrote on my own; tried my hand at comic books and wrote about a shitty experience I had my junior year (eventually deleted that because, again, codshit).

Then, for many years, nothing.

I went through ups and downs just like anyone (lots of downs). It wasn’t until a terrible, nearly life-ending incident with a former fiancee that I started up again. I was rummaging through a drawer, looking for my car registration, when I found a scrap of paper. It was one that I’d written down a few sentences of a dream I had that I thought would be a good story. Looking at those sentences brought the dream back so vividly that I went out, bought a notebook, and started outlining that day.

I’d committed.

That was eight years ago, give or take. In that time, I’ve had 17 short stories published and now, my first novel.

If you’ve read this far, then I hope you’ll indulge me a bit further as I’ve many people that I’d like to thank. (I’ll probably miss some of you, but, I’ve been drinking since noon, so, you know, piss off)

In no particular order:

  • Mom and Dad for putting books in my hand
  • LeVar Burton and Reading Rainbow for keeping them there
  • My beautiful wife, Samantha. In my vows, I said that she makes me feel like one of the cool kids every day.
  • Sara Kelly, one of the most talented writers I know and one of my besties. Without her editing skills and encouragement, Four Bullets would still be a pipe dream.
  • My dear friend and mentor, Gregory L. Norris. He always, always believed in me (still does) and encouraged me when I needed it (a lot). I wouldn’t be any good, as a writer OR a person, without him.
  • My wonderful and talented friends in the Nashua Writers Group. There are a lot of you so I’m lumping you together here. I don’t get down there much these days, but I will never forget the lessons you all taught me and all of the positivity you all sent my way.
  • My dear Little Mew and Chris Riley, two of the best people and best friends I could ask for and for whom, I’d gladly go smoke in the cage for.
  • Jason and Abigail Jarvis. Friends til the end. We survived the Cooler debacle after all!
  • Sinister Grin Press for taking a chance on a three-time loser and for believing in my story.
  • Zack Clarke: One of my closest friends and a man who did me such a solid when I was at one of my lowest points and never asked for anything in return.
  • Amy Grieg for driving down and forcing me out of the door to actually GO to the Nashua Writers Group.
  • The Whites: Chris “Dimples Ironstag”, Darren “Old Bean” and Shanna “Sarah Black” White. How terrible would my life be without you all?
  • Dean M. Drinkel for being a fan and an absolute joy.
  • My poetry professor Mark Watman for telling me to stop being so morose all the time and embrace the fact that I’m funny.
  • Gary Durkee, my best friend for the past 20 + years, whom I couldn’t live without. Not to mention my goddaughters, Kalleigh, Anah and Addison, all of whom make life livable.
  • Ward and Julianne Ashton.
  • My college roomie for 4 years Jared Sanborn for being a wonderful friend and putting up with the 20 year old me’s bullshit.
  • My Manchester NH peeps: Tommy, Heather, Kathy, Bran, Frank, and others that I’m forgetting. There aren’t many people I’d trust to go zip-lining and sky diving with, but you are those people!
  • Soundgarden
  • Clive Barker
  • Jules Verne
  • That guy who did that thing that one time

 

And NOW, here’s where I become a bitter, poor winner. I’ve spoken about this before, but, in short, I was bullied for most of my life. It’s not something I’ve forgotten, nor gotten over, not really, anyway. Probably why when I hear about cyber-bullying I get so enraged that I want to physically hurt people.

Why am I bringing this up? Simple: having my first novel published is not only a milestone in my life, but it is a victory over all of those people who kicked me until I felt like I didn’t deserve to live, for those who couldn’t get through their day without bringing me down and making me cry and hate myself, make me feel weak. This is where some of you (shut it, Mom) would say “Hey, Kile, let it go.” or “It was a long time ago” or “Why let them still have power over you” I’ll tell you: because I like my anger just as it is, thank you very much.

So, here is a list of those pieces of human garbage that kept me down(names hidden because I’m not that loaded). Guess what? I won and you lost. I always win. Eventually

  • B.T
  • Geoffrey
  • R.H
  • S.P
  • R.C
  • K.S
  • K.T
  • M.W
  • J.H
  • M.P
  • T.A
  • M.S
  • C.D
  • C.H
  • D.C
  • Melissa I. (ex-fiance who STILL makes my life utterly terrible)
  • C.D
  • C.P
  • W.P
  • L.H
  • E.D
  • J.G
  • K.S
  • K.C
  • M.S
  • K.S
  • M.D
  • N.S
  • J.C
  • Another J.C
  • C.D
  • T.H
  • D.W

 

spiderman 2

Going to stop there as I’ve just run out of beer. My point here is not only vindication, but that, if there is anyone out there that actually reads this who has gone through what I went through–past or present–you CAN make them pay, you CAN get justice by just keeping true to who you KNOW yourself to be. Your tormentors do it because you are different. Guess what? BEING DIFFERENT IS THE GREATEST GIFT YOU CAN HAVE? Do you want to be a carbon copy of everyone else? Fuck that. If they call you a freak, then guess what? You are a freak and BE PROUD OF IT! Freaks are more fun than the Normies.

Above all, my fellow bullied masses, remember this: Uncle Kile loves you.

 

So yeah, go here to buy my book. You don’t have to read it, just buy it!

 

 

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